Living While Earning a Living
Sometimes we get so busy trying to earn a living that we forget to actually LIVE.
This past year has been a roller coaster ride - gut wrenching, exciting, exhilarating and challenging. What I’ve learned about myself is absolutely invaluable. I have learned that I am much more capable than I had believed; I am incredibly resilient; and I have much more tenacity than I ever gave myself credit for. I’ve learned to enjoy and appreciate my own company, and truly, authentically love myself. This is not to say I have reached Nirvana…yet, but I feel I’m on the right path, at the very least.
Having said all of that, I have noticed that on returning to “the System” in the past week (I am relief teaching 4 days a week for a few weeks), I am finding it difficult not to get sucked into that old familiar reverie of “another day, another dollar”. Gosh, it’s hard to maintain one’s zen state with over thirty, five and six year olds tugging on your shirt tail and any other available appendage they can find! I love their realness and their innocent bluntness - it is a great leveler and grounding force.
“ Whaea Calli - your tummy is BIG! But I still love you.” You gotta love ‘em!
Although I am thoroughly enjoying it, I am more convinced daily that I do not want to return to full-time classroom teaching…ever.
I am working in a delightful country school, which serves the local farming community well, as well as any school can in the circumstances. However, I cannot help but notice the amount of “neurodiverse” children even in the small numbers of this little school, and how their needs are unable to be met to any large degree. This is not the fault of the teachers or principal (they’re a wonderfully passionate, caring staff) or anything other than the fact that the institution of “school” as we know it, can no longer provide what our children need to flourish in this day and age. That old familiar feeling of frustration and tightness keeps creeping back into my gut and I am reminded that this is no longer where I want to be…and I suspect many of these children feel the same.
Despite these misgivings, I am grateful for this experience. Aside from the obvious fiscal advantages, this has been an ideal opportunity for me to test the depth of the personal changes that I have undergone in the past year. Although those familiar niggles still present themselves, I have noticed a definite change in the way I am choosing to deal with them. I am so much more able to step back and observe; observe what’s happening, observe my thoughts, judgements and opinions on what’s happening, and observe the interaction between others, myself and the environment. This ability gives me the space to make choices and respond consciously, instead of reacting unconsciously. Everything seems to slow down and speed up at the same time! As bizarre as this sounds, in taking the time to slow down and choose for conscious awareness, I have found that I am way more efficient and effective in my work.
I have also noticed that I am far less self-interested! I am more able to really listen to my colleagues and choose when and how I respond, as I feel no egotistical need to have my say or display my academic peacock feathers. I also feel no sense of hierarchy. I think my whole concept of “leadership” has completely shifted. It’s not about not respecting people in “leadership” positions, it’s about recognising that people do not need a title, or specific responsibilities, or a fatter paycheck to be leaders - we all are responsible for “leading” our own lives.
I am totally invested in the children’s learning and wellbeing, without any hint of attachment as to whether the “product” is “perfect” or not. In actual fact, it’s all genuinely perfect. At this age, I can now truly agree that teaching is about providing the environment, the experiences and the opportunities for children to learn at their own pace and in their preferred way. Much like would naturally happen at home.
With all these reflections and the myriad of thoughts galloping through the landscape of my mind, I’ve found myself forgetting to stop and live life in the moment. Force of habit has made it difficult to maintain my priorities of peace, joy and love in every moment, but I am definitely getting better and better at it.
I’m grateful for this opportunity to practice LIVING while trying to earn a living!
